So I finally managed to finish the terrible romance novel Sliding Home. OH GOD. For the last about 80 pages I wanted to burn the book, stomp over the ashes, throw them in the ocean, and then stab my eyes out with an icepick. It was that bad. Its mainly about these two ass hats named Dayne and Kason. She randomly squats in his trailer and refuses to leave. They immediately want to have sex but hold off for about 200 pages, which was excruciating, filled with terribly written UST and random emphasis on meaningless things. Theres also this random side plot with the publicist and another ball player, which has absolutely no impact or meaning to the main story. I'm thinking the author just needed extra pages or something, because that storyline had absolutely no point.
It was, of course, rife with cliches. There was the "Have to date someone else while they actually want to date each other" trope, the "From different spectrums of society" trope, and the "They're forced into a ridiculous situation that makes them randomly realize their twue feewings". UGH.
It takes them 200 pages to fuck, which happened after Dayne burned her old marriage file, and I mean RIGHT AFTER. Because apparently ritual burning means you are over a failed relationship. Maybe she's a witch. But the best part is that in the last 60 pages, they randomly fall in love, and in the last 5 pages, they randomly get married. Kinda like an unimportant side note. "BTW, WE LOVE EACH OTHER, LETS GET MARRIED!!!!" Complete with rabid expressions, hysterical tears and unbearable scarring cute-ness. KILL ME NOW. Also, Kason has unbelievable stamina. FREAKIN CRAZY.
SIX TIMES.
IN ONE NIGHT.
NO FREAKIN WAY.
But that was that. Now onto killer unicorns. Or possibly zombie stormtroopers. Haven't decided yet, because both are equally awesome.
Anyway, the adventure of watching horror movies continues. I watched Nightmare on Elm Street, and it made no sense. I just sat there going "WTF?". Course, I may have missed something considering I was only have watching while chatting and whatnot. Though I don't really know how a dude with a gibbled face and Go-Go-Gadget arms is supposed to be scary. Maybe thats just me. I am going to watch The Blair Witch Project next, which I already know scares the shit out of me. AWESOME.
And BEST NEWS IN THE WORLD. SUPERNATURAL SEASON 6 HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED. Pardon me while I hyperventilate in the corner. I am now all caught up on everything, and, as I knew I would, I cried during the Season 5 finale. Now that I think of it, I cried a lot during Season 5. God, I am such a pansy. BUT OMG CASTIEL. YOU ARE SO TRAGIC AND HEARTBREAKING. YOU NEED SO MANY HUGS. DEAN AND SAM, HUG HIM. HUG HIM DAMMIT. I DON'T CARE IF IT LOOKS GAY. DO IT NOW.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
I should not be posting right now...
I should not be awake right now. Especially after not sleeping all night.
That's right. I have been having a marathon of horror movies and Supernatural while binging on obscene amounts of sugar. I'm gonna be so sick tomorrow (today, WTF). Staying up late isn't exactly weird for me, but still being awake when I can see the sun beginning to rise, while still chowing down on Fudge-Os is. No wonder I'm fat. :D
Anyway, I've watched a crap load of Supernatural (catching up on season 5 because OMFG SEASON 6 STARTS TODAY!!!!!!), and about four horror movies. I started the evening off with Poltergeist, then Psycho and finished with 28 Days Later. Wait, that doesn't add up to four. Oh, I tried to watch The Call of Cthulhu (ultimate nerdgasm), but the disk didn't work!!!! SADFACE FOREVER!!!!!!!
Now I'm gonna tell you what I thought of the movies, because I know thats what you want to read. Hells yeah. Also OM NOM friend, now you never have to watch these movies because you would probably die.
Poltergeist (am I spelling that right?)
This movie was pretty good. I enjoyed it a lot, although I was doing a constant commentary that went kinda like "Thats not what poltergeists look like, they don't do that, USE THE ROCK SALT!!!!" Yes, I critique horror movies using things from Supernatural. Oh god.
It was really good movie though. I started kinda slow, kinda like Alien, but it quickly got into evil trees and vortexes in closets. I also now finally know where the "DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!!!!" comes from. Yes, I didn't know beforehand. I had an epiphany halfway through, after they had said it about a dozen times. There was also a fat lady psychic or something, who was kinda like "STFU POLTERGEIST. IMMA PWN UR ASS". There was also a giant glowing spider. And random corpses popping up everywhere. And did I mention the evil tree that tried to eat a kid? I was, of course, more freaked out about the evil looking clown. And geeking out over the kid's awesome Star Wars memorabilia. Yeah.
Psycho
This movie was SO BORING. It took about 40 minutes for the shower scene to roll around. AND NOTHING HAPPENS BEFORE THEN. GOD. I pretty much fell asleep and woke up whenever the scary music got really loud. There's a couple hours of my life I'll never get back. I guess I'm not a classics kinda person. I'll probably give Vertigo a miss.
28 Days Later
This movie was...weird. I starts off with evil monkeys who have anger management issues and enjoy biting peeps. Then 28 days pass. Then the screen comes back with a completely nude Cillian Murphy. Who doesn't put pants on for about 5 minutes. There is no convenient placement of items either. I didn't want to see that. Ever.
Anyways, this dude runs around and meets some other peeps, and runs away from evil zombie things who puke on you. Or eat you. Or both. I also seem to prefer the dark, but run really fricking fast. So its like an amalgamation of zombies, vampires and ninjas. Yeah.
But there was one thing that made me love this movie so much. When the main character (the naked dude, though he's not naked anymore by this point) walks into a church. As the climbs the stairs, the camera pans up to see writing on the wall (lol, biblical reference). The writing says, in huge letters: REPENT. THE END IS EXTREMELY FUCKING NIGH. ROFL.
BTW, I finished the first season of 24, and I was right. I cried when the evil assassin brothers died. Crap.
Also also also I am about halfway through Sliding Home (the terrible romance novel). It is lulzy. The main woman keeps having tinglings in her "V-zone". LOL. And the dude nearly raped her against the fridge, and apparently after that they bonded. WTF? They've pretty much settled into a relationship by this point, just without the sex. I'm still holding out for a sex scene. There are also these other random characters who were introduced about page 80, but somehow have a major storyline. Again WTF? Although if I started complaining about the writing I would never stop. BUT THATS NOT THE POINT OF THIS!!!! WE ARE DOING THIS FOR THE LULZ. LULZ ARE FANTASTIC.
I think I'm gonna go to bed now. The sun is officially rising.
ETA: FUCK SPELLING MISTAKES. FROM NOW ON, THIS IS A SPELLING AND GRAMMAR FREE ZONE. SCREW THAT SHIT.
That's right. I have been having a marathon of horror movies and Supernatural while binging on obscene amounts of sugar. I'm gonna be so sick tomorrow (today, WTF). Staying up late isn't exactly weird for me, but still being awake when I can see the sun beginning to rise, while still chowing down on Fudge-Os is. No wonder I'm fat. :D
Anyway, I've watched a crap load of Supernatural (catching up on season 5 because OMFG SEASON 6 STARTS TODAY!!!!!!), and about four horror movies. I started the evening off with Poltergeist, then Psycho and finished with 28 Days Later. Wait, that doesn't add up to four. Oh, I tried to watch The Call of Cthulhu (ultimate nerdgasm), but the disk didn't work!!!! SADFACE FOREVER!!!!!!!
Now I'm gonna tell you what I thought of the movies, because I know thats what you want to read. Hells yeah. Also OM NOM friend, now you never have to watch these movies because you would probably die.
Poltergeist (am I spelling that right?)
This movie was pretty good. I enjoyed it a lot, although I was doing a constant commentary that went kinda like "Thats not what poltergeists look like, they don't do that, USE THE ROCK SALT!!!!" Yes, I critique horror movies using things from Supernatural. Oh god.
It was really good movie though. I started kinda slow, kinda like Alien, but it quickly got into evil trees and vortexes in closets. I also now finally know where the "DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!!!!" comes from. Yes, I didn't know beforehand. I had an epiphany halfway through, after they had said it about a dozen times. There was also a fat lady psychic or something, who was kinda like "STFU POLTERGEIST. IMMA PWN UR ASS". There was also a giant glowing spider. And random corpses popping up everywhere. And did I mention the evil tree that tried to eat a kid? I was, of course, more freaked out about the evil looking clown. And geeking out over the kid's awesome Star Wars memorabilia. Yeah.
Psycho
This movie was SO BORING. It took about 40 minutes for the shower scene to roll around. AND NOTHING HAPPENS BEFORE THEN. GOD. I pretty much fell asleep and woke up whenever the scary music got really loud. There's a couple hours of my life I'll never get back. I guess I'm not a classics kinda person. I'll probably give Vertigo a miss.
28 Days Later
This movie was...weird. I starts off with evil monkeys who have anger management issues and enjoy biting peeps. Then 28 days pass. Then the screen comes back with a completely nude Cillian Murphy. Who doesn't put pants on for about 5 minutes. There is no convenient placement of items either. I didn't want to see that. Ever.
Anyways, this dude runs around and meets some other peeps, and runs away from evil zombie things who puke on you. Or eat you. Or both. I also seem to prefer the dark, but run really fricking fast. So its like an amalgamation of zombies, vampires and ninjas. Yeah.
But there was one thing that made me love this movie so much. When the main character (the naked dude, though he's not naked anymore by this point) walks into a church. As the climbs the stairs, the camera pans up to see writing on the wall (lol, biblical reference). The writing says, in huge letters: REPENT. THE END IS EXTREMELY FUCKING NIGH. ROFL.
BTW, I finished the first season of 24, and I was right. I cried when the evil assassin brothers died. Crap.
Also also also I am about halfway through Sliding Home (the terrible romance novel). It is lulzy. The main woman keeps having tinglings in her "V-zone". LOL. And the dude nearly raped her against the fridge, and apparently after that they bonded. WTF? They've pretty much settled into a relationship by this point, just without the sex. I'm still holding out for a sex scene. There are also these other random characters who were introduced about page 80, but somehow have a major storyline. Again WTF? Although if I started complaining about the writing I would never stop. BUT THATS NOT THE POINT OF THIS!!!! WE ARE DOING THIS FOR THE LULZ. LULZ ARE FANTASTIC.
I think I'm gonna go to bed now. The sun is officially rising.
ETA: FUCK SPELLING MISTAKES. FROM NOW ON, THIS IS A SPELLING AND GRAMMAR FREE ZONE. SCREW THAT SHIT.
Monday, September 13, 2010
SO MUCH CRAP
This is what happens when I don't blog in a really long time. Awesome things pile up. This is probably going to be a long post. Oh dear.
Well first, Operation Moving All Our Shit was a success. Kinda. I still have to unpack my room. God, I hate moving. DDDDDDDDDDDDD:
Second, read the most awesome tie-in novel EVAH. That other one I told you about? Does not even compare. This one was fantastic. Again Supernatural, and Judas was in it. And he and Cas were old friends. AWESOME. I am now going to read another book by him. About ZOMBIE STORMTROOPERS. HELL YES.
Speaking of books, a few of my page friends and I have started a book club. The object of this book club is to read the most terrible books known to man. We have three picked out so far. The first is called Rampant. The summary is as follows:
Forget everything you ever knew about unicorns...
Real unicorns are venomous, man-eating monsters with huge fangs and razor-sharp horns. Fortunately, they've been extinct for a hundred and fifty years.
Or not.
Astrid had always scoffed at her eccentric mother's stories about killer unicorns. But when one of the monsters attacks her boyfriend—thereby ruining any chance of him taking her to the prom—Astrid finds herself headed to Rome to train as a unicorn hunter at the ancient cloisters the hunters have used for centuries.
However, at the cloisters all is not what it seems. Outside, the unicorns wait to attack. And within, Astrid faces other, unexpected threats: from the crumbling, bone-covered walls that vibrate with a terrible power to the hidden agendas of her fellow hunters to—perhaps most dangerously of all—her growing attraction to a handsome art student ... an attraction that could jeopardize everything.
Awesome right? I have a sneaking suspicion that the art student is actually an unicorn in disguise.
The second is called Sliding Home. Its a romance novel about a baseball player. Here is the summary:
The left fielder for the Richmond Rogues had returned from six weeks of spring training in Florida to find someone had moved into his mobile home. That person was presently in his shower. And no matter how sexy the squatter might be, Kason wanted her out.
He had his trusty dobie, Cimarron; he didn't need anyone else in his life. Not even a stubborn tomboy who rouses all kinds of wild reactions in him, then soothed his soul with peace offerings of macaroni and cheese and rainbow Jell-O. The bad boy of baseball was ready to play hardball if need be, but with Dayne Sheridan firmly planted between his sheets, he found himself...Sliding Home.
That last sentence...words cannot express. ROFL. That sentence was why we picked this book. Hell yes.
The third book is Argentinian Playboy, Unexpected Love-Child. The title alone makes it COMPLETELY worth it. The summary:
Billionaire polo player Diego Ortega has seen the world and sampled many of its women. Sweet beauty Rachel Summers has sated his appetite--so why does he find his body yearning for more? Rachel knows she is not Diego's type--less glamorous supermodel, more wholesome country girl. But that doesn't mean she has to wear her heart on her sleeve. She kept her virginity a secret before he bedded her.... But now she "has" to tell Diego she's carrying his baby!
Also, why the hell is "has" in quotation marks?I am so excited to read these books, as they will be endlessly amusing and AWESOME. I laughing already.
And possibly the most awesome thing ever: When I went out onto my porch the other night, I find this:
Yes, that is a bat. I have named him Batface, and have decided this is his home now. Sadly, he hasn't come back yet, possibly because I blinded him with the flash on my camera. Oooops?
Anyways, that is my life right now, between working an obscene amount and listening to Led Zeppelin. And marathoning season 1 of 24. Which is epic. I am terribly fond of these two brothers, who are evil assassins, out for revenge. I always like them, even when they are shooting people in the face. I think there's something seriously wrong with me.
ETA: Just did a spellcheck, and all the emoticon things I do came up as spelled wrong. LOL. BTW, what the hell does ETA mean? Whenever I see it I think Estimated Time of Arrival. Maybe I'll just stick with that.
Well first, Operation Moving All Our Shit was a success. Kinda. I still have to unpack my room. God, I hate moving. DDDDDDDDDDDDD:
Second, read the most awesome tie-in novel EVAH. That other one I told you about? Does not even compare. This one was fantastic. Again Supernatural, and Judas was in it. And he and Cas were old friends. AWESOME. I am now going to read another book by him. About ZOMBIE STORMTROOPERS. HELL YES.
Speaking of books, a few of my page friends and I have started a book club. The object of this book club is to read the most terrible books known to man. We have three picked out so far. The first is called Rampant. The summary is as follows:
Forget everything you ever knew about unicorns...
Real unicorns are venomous, man-eating monsters with huge fangs and razor-sharp horns. Fortunately, they've been extinct for a hundred and fifty years.
Or not.
Astrid had always scoffed at her eccentric mother's stories about killer unicorns. But when one of the monsters attacks her boyfriend—thereby ruining any chance of him taking her to the prom—Astrid finds herself headed to Rome to train as a unicorn hunter at the ancient cloisters the hunters have used for centuries.
However, at the cloisters all is not what it seems. Outside, the unicorns wait to attack. And within, Astrid faces other, unexpected threats: from the crumbling, bone-covered walls that vibrate with a terrible power to the hidden agendas of her fellow hunters to—perhaps most dangerously of all—her growing attraction to a handsome art student ... an attraction that could jeopardize everything.
Awesome right? I have a sneaking suspicion that the art student is actually an unicorn in disguise.
The second is called Sliding Home. Its a romance novel about a baseball player. Here is the summary:
The left fielder for the Richmond Rogues had returned from six weeks of spring training in Florida to find someone had moved into his mobile home. That person was presently in his shower. And no matter how sexy the squatter might be, Kason wanted her out.
He had his trusty dobie, Cimarron; he didn't need anyone else in his life. Not even a stubborn tomboy who rouses all kinds of wild reactions in him, then soothed his soul with peace offerings of macaroni and cheese and rainbow Jell-O. The bad boy of baseball was ready to play hardball if need be, but with Dayne Sheridan firmly planted between his sheets, he found himself...Sliding Home.
That last sentence...words cannot express. ROFL. That sentence was why we picked this book. Hell yes.
The third book is Argentinian Playboy, Unexpected Love-Child. The title alone makes it COMPLETELY worth it. The summary:
Billionaire polo player Diego Ortega has seen the world and sampled many of its women. Sweet beauty Rachel Summers has sated his appetite--so why does he find his body yearning for more? Rachel knows she is not Diego's type--less glamorous supermodel, more wholesome country girl. But that doesn't mean she has to wear her heart on her sleeve. She kept her virginity a secret before he bedded her.... But now she "has" to tell Diego she's carrying his baby!
Also, why the hell is "has" in quotation marks?I am so excited to read these books, as they will be endlessly amusing and AWESOME. I laughing already.
And possibly the most awesome thing ever: When I went out onto my porch the other night, I find this:
Yes, that is a bat. I have named him Batface, and have decided this is his home now. Sadly, he hasn't come back yet, possibly because I blinded him with the flash on my camera. Oooops?
Anyways, that is my life right now, between working an obscene amount and listening to Led Zeppelin. And marathoning season 1 of 24. Which is epic. I am terribly fond of these two brothers, who are evil assassins, out for revenge. I always like them, even when they are shooting people in the face. I think there's something seriously wrong with me.
ETA: Just did a spellcheck, and all the emoticon things I do came up as spelled wrong. LOL. BTW, what the hell does ETA mean? Whenever I see it I think Estimated Time of Arrival. Maybe I'll just stick with that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)