So I finally managed to finish the terrible romance novel Sliding Home. OH GOD. For the last about 80 pages I wanted to burn the book, stomp over the ashes, throw them in the ocean, and then stab my eyes out with an icepick. It was that bad. Its mainly about these two ass hats named Dayne and Kason. She randomly squats in his trailer and refuses to leave. They immediately want to have sex but hold off for about 200 pages, which was excruciating, filled with terribly written UST and random emphasis on meaningless things. Theres also this random side plot with the publicist and another ball player, which has absolutely no impact or meaning to the main story. I'm thinking the author just needed extra pages or something, because that storyline had absolutely no point.
It was, of course, rife with cliches. There was the "Have to date someone else while they actually want to date each other" trope, the "From different spectrums of society" trope, and the "They're forced into a ridiculous situation that makes them randomly realize their twue feewings". UGH.
It takes them 200 pages to fuck, which happened after Dayne burned her old marriage file, and I mean RIGHT AFTER. Because apparently ritual burning means you are over a failed relationship. Maybe she's a witch. But the best part is that in the last 60 pages, they randomly fall in love, and in the last 5 pages, they randomly get married. Kinda like an unimportant side note. "BTW, WE LOVE EACH OTHER, LETS GET MARRIED!!!!" Complete with rabid expressions, hysterical tears and unbearable scarring cute-ness. KILL ME NOW. Also, Kason has unbelievable stamina. FREAKIN CRAZY.
SIX TIMES.
IN ONE NIGHT.
NO FREAKIN WAY.
But that was that. Now onto killer unicorns. Or possibly zombie stormtroopers. Haven't decided yet, because both are equally awesome.
Anyway, the adventure of watching horror movies continues. I watched Nightmare on Elm Street, and it made no sense. I just sat there going "WTF?". Course, I may have missed something considering I was only have watching while chatting and whatnot. Though I don't really know how a dude with a gibbled face and Go-Go-Gadget arms is supposed to be scary. Maybe thats just me. I am going to watch The Blair Witch Project next, which I already know scares the shit out of me. AWESOME.
And BEST NEWS IN THE WORLD. SUPERNATURAL SEASON 6 HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED. Pardon me while I hyperventilate in the corner. I am now all caught up on everything, and, as I knew I would, I cried during the Season 5 finale. Now that I think of it, I cried a lot during Season 5. God, I am such a pansy. BUT OMG CASTIEL. YOU ARE SO TRAGIC AND HEARTBREAKING. YOU NEED SO MANY HUGS. DEAN AND SAM, HUG HIM. HUG HIM DAMMIT. I DON'T CARE IF IT LOOKS GAY. DO IT NOW.
Gay? Whaddya mean gay? We don't use that word anymore. It's called homoerotic and it gives a whole whack of 12 year old girls something to write about.
ReplyDeleteAlso, do you think that romance novel writers are constantly sexually dissatisfied? I mean, if I was writing about a guy who could get it up 6 times I night I'd probably be pretty frustrated myself. Then I'd probs just give my lover a Viagra shake :) Then again, she probably is stuck in some stupid relationship that she will get out of through ritualistic burning.
That scene could have been made more effective by a ritual burning of the main characters. Or maybe of the book itself... :DDDD
Anywho, I love you lots. If you end up finding a really cheap shitty romance novel, or something great like that you should see how much it would cost to care-package it to me. :DDDDD
Love.